This morning Len Woods preached his last sermon. Diving through Psalm 106, he elaborated on the importance of remembering. Though the past may be painful, mistakes too guilt ridden to warrant memory, one thing remains true: God is faithful and His love endures forever. That is why we need to remember; when we do we find joy and courage not to repeat the same mistakes. It is in those times of reflection we realize that God's love precedes our worst failures. I know I intentionally block memories. I want to forget reality because sometimes it hurts too much. I know that so often I forget my purpose; I forget that I need to bring the good news to a dying people. I know that so often I feel inadequate, but I am reminded that the Holy Spirit speaks through me and uses my inadequacies for God's glory.
I sat there in that pew listening to Len preach about remembering and I got lost down memory lane. I remembered being a shy 18 year old entering North Louisiana for the first time and I was lost. I remember a pastor who liked the Saints and I instantly felt a connection to home. That pastor was Len Woods and I cannot begin to describe how much that man means to me. From my early years in college, I remember Len being warm, friendly, funny, and welcoming. He always made me laugh and treated me like a daughter and I was grateful. I can remember countless times where I would go to church just to sit in his office and gleam a bit of wisdom from him. Len has seen me through some rough times and he always knew the right things to say. As I grew out of college, my friends either moved away or got married. There was a time where I felt a deep loneliness and Len would say, "Dana, you just need to find your Samwise Gamgee for your journey in life." In great analogy form he spoke to my heart and knew the words to make me feel better. I think since that time I have found several people that can fit that "Samwise Gamgee role". I remember sitting at the table with Len and Cindi in their home and talking about ministry, chatting about small groups, and watching Saints games. So, I found myself welcomed into a family. Len has been very much a spiritual father for me and I'll never forget when he had to step in and tell a man to leave me alone. Sure, I'll miss walking into the church office and hearing Len say, "Da - nuh, what you know?" but, I'll not miss the man: this is not goodbye. I've done a lot of remembering, but I can't wait to see what God has in store for the future. I can't wait to see what God is going to do in the lives of Len and Cindi Woods. I know that at the Woods home I can find a connection to home, a family, and lots of laughter. I know that more ministry is to come and I know that more memories will be made.
So, in closing I just want to say, "Thank you, Len for letting the Lord use you in my life. Thank you for teaching me the importance of community. Thank you for being a spiritual father to me. My life is enriched because you are in it. I'm grateful that even in the hard times you remained faithful to God."
Thank goodness this is not a goodbye, but a hello to a new chapter.
Sunday, August 17, 2014
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Ponder: Do you want God or do you want God to do something(http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/what-remember-when-god-silent)?I read that in a magazine article today. I want God. I think too often I wanted God to do something for me. I don't want that anymore, I just want Him. I want to get to know Him again, to be passionate about the things He is passionate about and that makes me happy. I'm just smiling thinking about spending time with the Lord and getting to know Him more.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
What I wish my students knew....
Dear Students,
Do you know that sometimes I feel like your mom? Over the course of a year I have come to know your quirks, your smiles, your frustrations, and your joys. The bell rings and you come shuffling in my room and I get to spend time with you for 55 minutes every day, 55 precious minutes. It is in those valuable moments that I get to see you, hear you, and do everything in my power to help you. You laugh with your friends, you put off your work (I know who my masters of procrastination are), and you try to get me off topic all within the first minutes of class. I know your tricks even if you think I'm unaware. You can't forget that I was in high school once. Sometimes I let you spend a few minutes procrastinating, just so you can let your brain rest for a second. I know that at times you think work is too hard, but did you know that I give you the "challenging stuff" because I know you are capable of achieving greatness? I would not waste such precious plans on people who could not accomplish much. I challenge you because I am confident that you are intelligent, that you truly want to succeed, and that you could come up with amazing insights into literature that I might not have seen before.
Do you know that a lot of times you "wow" me? I love it when you talk about characters of novels as if they were your best friends. I love to see you use concessions and counterarguments when you disagree with someone in class and in the end come to a mutual understanding and a greater perspective on the issue at hand. I love it when you ask questions. I love it when you take initiative and do the hard things, like presenting a project to the principal of the school. I love it when you use new vocabulary in conversation, and I love your creativity in your writing. I love when you decide to take an assignment and give it your own perspective, your own spin and give it some originality.
Do you know you make me laugh? Your quirky sentences about dragons, stallions, other classmates make me smile. Yes, I even think it is funny when you think that Germ -X gives you super powers to rid the world of germs. Somehow you even make reading a thesaurus fun.
But, as a teacher who feels like a mom, things aren't always fun. Did you know that when you hurt, I hurt? I see you walk into the room with your weary bodies and sad eyes holding back stories you are unwilling to admit aloud. Your usual energetic, fun, optimistic spirit somehow vanishes and I am powerless to help. Though I never find out what sadness haunts you, I feel for you. I suddenly become sad, like you. I don't know how to ease your hurts, or enliven your spirits, but I hope that you know I love you, as a mother would love you. The world can be cruel, and I just want to give you a hug and push that cruel world away.
Do you know that sometimes you hurt me? I understand that school work is demanding, and difficult; but your angry outbursts and lack of respect hurt my heart. When you taunt me, and in so many words tell me I have failed you as a teacher, and that you would rather be with someone else, I cry. Did you know that everything I do, plan, and work hard for is for you? Do you know that every time you take out your phone while class is going on I feel like you are telling me, "you aren't worth my time, there is something better out there - and it's important." Every time you sleep, complain, or refuse to do a task, to me is a slap in the face.
Do you know that even on our most difficult days together, when you want to storm out the room and slam the door and I in turn want to say things I know I would regret, I am proud of you? I am so proud that you decided not to feel defeated when you got a low score on an assignment, but in turn let it be an opportunity to do better on the next one. I am so proud that you work hard.
Do you know that I know each one of your smiles? Do you know that I know your individuality and it makes me smile? Do you know that I love to see you every single day?
Do you know that sometimes 55 minutes is not enough time with you? I know.
Do you know that sometimes I feel like your mom? Over the course of a year I have come to know your quirks, your smiles, your frustrations, and your joys. The bell rings and you come shuffling in my room and I get to spend time with you for 55 minutes every day, 55 precious minutes. It is in those valuable moments that I get to see you, hear you, and do everything in my power to help you. You laugh with your friends, you put off your work (I know who my masters of procrastination are), and you try to get me off topic all within the first minutes of class. I know your tricks even if you think I'm unaware. You can't forget that I was in high school once. Sometimes I let you spend a few minutes procrastinating, just so you can let your brain rest for a second. I know that at times you think work is too hard, but did you know that I give you the "challenging stuff" because I know you are capable of achieving greatness? I would not waste such precious plans on people who could not accomplish much. I challenge you because I am confident that you are intelligent, that you truly want to succeed, and that you could come up with amazing insights into literature that I might not have seen before.
Do you know that a lot of times you "wow" me? I love it when you talk about characters of novels as if they were your best friends. I love to see you use concessions and counterarguments when you disagree with someone in class and in the end come to a mutual understanding and a greater perspective on the issue at hand. I love it when you ask questions. I love it when you take initiative and do the hard things, like presenting a project to the principal of the school. I love it when you use new vocabulary in conversation, and I love your creativity in your writing. I love when you decide to take an assignment and give it your own perspective, your own spin and give it some originality.
Do you know you make me laugh? Your quirky sentences about dragons, stallions, other classmates make me smile. Yes, I even think it is funny when you think that Germ -X gives you super powers to rid the world of germs. Somehow you even make reading a thesaurus fun.
But, as a teacher who feels like a mom, things aren't always fun. Did you know that when you hurt, I hurt? I see you walk into the room with your weary bodies and sad eyes holding back stories you are unwilling to admit aloud. Your usual energetic, fun, optimistic spirit somehow vanishes and I am powerless to help. Though I never find out what sadness haunts you, I feel for you. I suddenly become sad, like you. I don't know how to ease your hurts, or enliven your spirits, but I hope that you know I love you, as a mother would love you. The world can be cruel, and I just want to give you a hug and push that cruel world away.
Do you know that sometimes you hurt me? I understand that school work is demanding, and difficult; but your angry outbursts and lack of respect hurt my heart. When you taunt me, and in so many words tell me I have failed you as a teacher, and that you would rather be with someone else, I cry. Did you know that everything I do, plan, and work hard for is for you? Do you know that every time you take out your phone while class is going on I feel like you are telling me, "you aren't worth my time, there is something better out there - and it's important." Every time you sleep, complain, or refuse to do a task, to me is a slap in the face.
Do you know that even on our most difficult days together, when you want to storm out the room and slam the door and I in turn want to say things I know I would regret, I am proud of you? I am so proud that you decided not to feel defeated when you got a low score on an assignment, but in turn let it be an opportunity to do better on the next one. I am so proud that you work hard.
Do you know that I know each one of your smiles? Do you know that I know your individuality and it makes me smile? Do you know that I love to see you every single day?
Do you know that sometimes 55 minutes is not enough time with you? I know.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Simplicity of the Holidays
As I sit here in my parent's living room, sipping my peppermint tea and eating date nut cookies made lovingly by my Aunt, I am reminded of the simple pleasure of being around family. I thought, as I sipped my tea, that later -- when I go to bed -- I would journal about the day's events. Then it dawned on me that by the time I arrived in bed the fire would have died down, the tea would be cold, and I would be so tired that I could not even hold a pen in my hand much less keep my eyes open long enough to write. So, instead I take to the world wide web, the blog, the public journal. Which, to my old fashioned heart, sort of pains me. Since I've been home, on break, after the day's events I spend evenings on journeys with such characters like Puddn'head Wilson who solved a murder on the banks of the Mississippi River and have even traveled to the dwarf mountains with Bilbo Baggins and his motley crew; so, to type my thoughts instead of penning words on the pages on a blank journal takes a little bit of joy out of me. It's this mixing of the world of technology and the old fashioned life of simplicity that I find hard to balance. In my heart, I find joy in sitting on the couch, curled up in my heated fleece blanket flipping through the pages of adventures penned by great men such as Mark Twain and J.R.R Tolkein; yet I find the same joy - and some humor - in sitting on the same couch, curled up in the same heated fleece blanket playing words with friends with my parents - all of us sitting next to each other on our cellular devices. Instead of pulling out the board game scrabble, we play a game on our phones. It is quite humorous. I think the most joy I've found, in these days of Christmas and New Year holidays, is just being with family. So, whether it be old fashioned in nature, or flooded with newer technology, being surrounded by family keeps my spirits up. My birthday brought 30 plus family members to my parent's home and I loved every minute of having everyone from my grandparents to my baby cousins all under one roof. 
I have relished in delight as my immediate family played the board game of taboo and the laughter that my brother brought made even losing fun. Even as I type this little entry of thoughts my dad dances to a song playing from a commercial on the TV and I am again delighted. I spent the day with my cousin, whom understands my heart in ways that no one else can, and I am reminded that even a cup of coffee and a small chat can bring warmth to a sometimes sad heart. I am blessed. I think I've just loved being saturated in the goodness that the Lord has brought into my life, and have found such pleasure in simple routines. Cooking and shopping with mom, seeing old friends, putting on PJs at 7pm and hanging with the parents at night has been so refreshing to this worn out soul. So, I guess in retrospect it really isn't the day's events that I want to journal. It's the moments with loved ones that I want to cherish, hold close and never let go. I will not even think about going back to reality, back to the cold, lonely house, and busier times. I will stay here and reflect under my heated fleece blanket, sipping my peppermint tea, savoring the last of my date nut cookies about the life the Lord has blessed me with.
I have relished in delight as my immediate family played the board game of taboo and the laughter that my brother brought made even losing fun. Even as I type this little entry of thoughts my dad dances to a song playing from a commercial on the TV and I am again delighted. I spent the day with my cousin, whom understands my heart in ways that no one else can, and I am reminded that even a cup of coffee and a small chat can bring warmth to a sometimes sad heart. I am blessed. I think I've just loved being saturated in the goodness that the Lord has brought into my life, and have found such pleasure in simple routines. Cooking and shopping with mom, seeing old friends, putting on PJs at 7pm and hanging with the parents at night has been so refreshing to this worn out soul. So, I guess in retrospect it really isn't the day's events that I want to journal. It's the moments with loved ones that I want to cherish, hold close and never let go. I will not even think about going back to reality, back to the cold, lonely house, and busier times. I will stay here and reflect under my heated fleece blanket, sipping my peppermint tea, savoring the last of my date nut cookies about the life the Lord has blessed me with.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
My Favorite Poem
While entering upon the era of American Romanticism in my lesson planning, I stumbled upon my favorite poem. Longfellow reminds me of the pleasures of escaping reality, his connotations bring me on an adventure, and the assonance found in the meter soothes my soul. The Father in the poem reminds me of my own dad and how he used to tell us bedtime stories each night. This poem brings comfort and nostalgia to my heart.
Enjoy!
The Children's Hour
by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Between the dark and the daylight,
When the night is beginning to lower,
Comes a pause in the day's occupations,
That is known as the Children's Hour.
I hear in the chamber above me
The patter of little feet,
The sound of a door that is opened,
And voices soft and sweet.
From my study I see in the lamplight,
Descending the broad hall stair,
Grave Alice, and laughing Allegra,
And Edith with golden hair.
A whisper, and then a silence:
Yet I know by their merry eyes
They are plotting and planning together
To take me by surprise.
A sudden rush from the stairway,
A sudden raid from the hall!
By three doors left unguarded
They enter my castle wall!
They climb up into my turret
O'er the arms and back of my chair;
If I try to escape, they surround me;
They seem to be everywhere.
They almost devour me with kisses,
Their arms about me entwine,
Till I think of the Bishop of Bingen
In his Mouse-Tower on the Rhine!
Do you think, O blue-eyed banditti,
Because you have scaled the wall,
Such an old mustache as I am
Is not a match for you all!
I have you fast in my fortress,
And will not let you depart,
But put you down into the dungeon
In the round-tower of my heart.
And there will I keep you forever,
Yes, forever and a day,
Till the walls shall crumble to ruin,
And moulder in dust away!
Enjoy!
The Children's Hour
by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Between the dark and the daylight,
When the night is beginning to lower,
Comes a pause in the day's occupations,
That is known as the Children's Hour.
I hear in the chamber above me
The patter of little feet,
The sound of a door that is opened,
And voices soft and sweet.
From my study I see in the lamplight,
Descending the broad hall stair,
Grave Alice, and laughing Allegra,
And Edith with golden hair.
A whisper, and then a silence:
Yet I know by their merry eyes
They are plotting and planning together
To take me by surprise.
A sudden rush from the stairway,
A sudden raid from the hall!
By three doors left unguarded
They enter my castle wall!
They climb up into my turret
O'er the arms and back of my chair;
If I try to escape, they surround me;
They seem to be everywhere.
They almost devour me with kisses,
Their arms about me entwine,
Till I think of the Bishop of Bingen
In his Mouse-Tower on the Rhine!
Do you think, O blue-eyed banditti,
Because you have scaled the wall,
Such an old mustache as I am
Is not a match for you all!
I have you fast in my fortress,
And will not let you depart,
But put you down into the dungeon
In the round-tower of my heart.
And there will I keep you forever,
Yes, forever and a day,
Till the walls shall crumble to ruin,
And moulder in dust away!
Friday, November 2, 2012
Life
Living by myself for a couple of years has left me too introspective. I'm not even sure that I should let the digital world know my thoughts, but with no one else around I feel I am left with no choice.
I look at this poor recapturing of a picture hanging in my office (compliments of Jason Howell) and I see me. Of course, literately it is me, but I mean the person I am inside too. This picture, I feel, captures the very essence of how I see myself, and believe shows my personality. I love to laugh, I love playing with children in the Bronx, I love goofing off, dancing, and sharing the words of Jesus to others. I am young at heart and I just love people.
I feel in the last couple of months I've lost that part of me. I don't feel quite so happy on the inside and find myself crying - a lot. I feel as if I am living vicariously through song lyrics. To echo the words of Adele,I am "chasing pavements". I make the same mistakes, fall for the wrong guys, and let my job consume me. These days, as John Mayer sings, I am "dreaming with a broken heart" and it is not fun. I keep staring at that picture hoping to get that girl back, but it's useless.
Though I am broken hearted, watching my dream fly through the window, I am reminded that I am not alone. I have a wealth of family and friends that support me. My parents and siblings are a constant source of encouragement and wisdom. Elizabeth T. is my jiminy cricket, The Fosters, Stones, and Emily Kessler have all poured a large of amount of love my way. I guess I want to take this time out and say I'm sorry for being so consumed with my own troubles that I neglect to hurt with others, to look beyond myself.
I am so tired of fighting this fight. I am so tired of being confused and watching my dream go somewhere else. I want to find that girl in the picture again.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
I'm okay, but I'm not okay
Let me just go ahead and say it, last week was terrible. I will not divulge the details of my week's experience, but it has left me emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted. This exhaustion, suprisingly not pointless, has helped me in some ways see that even though I'm not "okay", I am "okay".
Here I am approaching my 30th birthday and only now feel like I'm finally growing. I am finally opening my eyes to the truths God has been trying to teach me all along. Unfortunately, it takes walking through the fire to see that when you come out you may be burned, but you are not scarred. I hate walking through the fire, I hate crying, I hate the pain it leaves me with; I hate knowing that it helps me grow and is therefore necessary.
For years I've experienced the same kind of disappointment. My past is a history of repeated trials that seemingly never change. For too long I've let my circumstances dictate my emotions, my beliefs, and my attitude. I'm embarrassed about the way I've acted, yet somehow I continued to make the same mistakes. I've cried out to God, prayed for answers and always felt a silence in response. I don't understand why the same thing keeps happening to me. I don't understand a lot of things. One thing I do understand is that I'm a confused girl. More than one recent experience has led me to this state. But, this time I feel I've grown.
These are the lies I've listened to:
No one wants you.
You aren't captivating enough.
You're alone.
You will never get married.
Your desires don't matter.
No one wants to be like you (not a good role model).
In previous years, I would have been led to bitterness, resentment, anger, and self-pity. I'm choosing this time to not abandon God in the process, but to worship Him. I still may not understand why things happen to me. I'm still confused, but I now know how to combat those lies with the truth. God's word teaches me that the Lord satisfies all of those things and there is no need for me to make myself miserable. He has been my shelter, my comfort, my rock and He is just so incredibly amazing. Everyday I am thankful for his patience with me, that He sees and understands my pain, and that He genuinely cares. Besides, this life is not about me.
Here are the truths I've come to cherish:
The Lord wants me.
I'm never alone.
The Lord is captivating me.
I don't know if I'll get married, but I don't have to put an absolute on it.
My desires matter and more importantly I want to embrace the Lord's desires.
To be honest, I'm still confused about a particular situation. I'm still incredibly confused and desperately seeking some answers. I am so confused I don't know what to do with myself, and I'm SAD. But, I'm okay - so you see I'm not okay, but I am okay. Part of that peace comes from having friends who encourage me, speak truth to me, love me and listen to my cries.
So, I end with this:
My prayer is that I would carry this season of my life with grace. My prayer is that, though I was vague,this honesty can help someone else out with their struggles. My prayer is that you would choose God in the midst of the fire and not walk away.
Here I am approaching my 30th birthday and only now feel like I'm finally growing. I am finally opening my eyes to the truths God has been trying to teach me all along. Unfortunately, it takes walking through the fire to see that when you come out you may be burned, but you are not scarred. I hate walking through the fire, I hate crying, I hate the pain it leaves me with; I hate knowing that it helps me grow and is therefore necessary.
For years I've experienced the same kind of disappointment. My past is a history of repeated trials that seemingly never change. For too long I've let my circumstances dictate my emotions, my beliefs, and my attitude. I'm embarrassed about the way I've acted, yet somehow I continued to make the same mistakes. I've cried out to God, prayed for answers and always felt a silence in response. I don't understand why the same thing keeps happening to me. I don't understand a lot of things. One thing I do understand is that I'm a confused girl. More than one recent experience has led me to this state. But, this time I feel I've grown.
These are the lies I've listened to:
No one wants you.
You aren't captivating enough.
You're alone.
You will never get married.
Your desires don't matter.
No one wants to be like you (not a good role model).
In previous years, I would have been led to bitterness, resentment, anger, and self-pity. I'm choosing this time to not abandon God in the process, but to worship Him. I still may not understand why things happen to me. I'm still confused, but I now know how to combat those lies with the truth. God's word teaches me that the Lord satisfies all of those things and there is no need for me to make myself miserable. He has been my shelter, my comfort, my rock and He is just so incredibly amazing. Everyday I am thankful for his patience with me, that He sees and understands my pain, and that He genuinely cares. Besides, this life is not about me.
Here are the truths I've come to cherish:
The Lord wants me.
I'm never alone.
The Lord is captivating me.
I don't know if I'll get married, but I don't have to put an absolute on it.
My desires matter and more importantly I want to embrace the Lord's desires.
To be honest, I'm still confused about a particular situation. I'm still incredibly confused and desperately seeking some answers. I am so confused I don't know what to do with myself, and I'm SAD. But, I'm okay - so you see I'm not okay, but I am okay. Part of that peace comes from having friends who encourage me, speak truth to me, love me and listen to my cries.
So, I end with this:
My prayer is that I would carry this season of my life with grace. My prayer is that, though I was vague,this honesty can help someone else out with their struggles. My prayer is that you would choose God in the midst of the fire and not walk away.
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