Just some fun pics I like

On the outside looking in

Tonight was different. For once I wasn’t tired, I didn’t need to wake up early and with the mention from some people of an old family friend I decided to put off going to bed a little longer. They had mentioned Craig Turner and volleyball. I have known Craig for at least 17 years now and when strangers mention his name it still seems weird to me. He was playing an intramural game that I thought I’d check out. I arrived on campus only to find myself three years removed from it and hopelessly staring into what used to be my life. I stood outside the gym window and stared at the carefree , fun loving college students unable to go inside. I was paralyzed, envious of their relationships with one another longing to be a part of it all once again. But the sign in front of the gym made it all clear,  “Upon entering the facility no ID no admittance no exceptions.” They had blocked me out. I felt outcasted, trapped in the world outside while everyone inside seemed happy and carefree. Even if it was for a moment. Four years I had spent at this school only to find myself three years later disconnected and locked out. I couldn’t get in so I decided to walk around. I walked up and down the sidewalks hoping to find a someone, anyone who I might know but who was I kidding. I hadn’ t stepped foot on that campus in a year and a half - who would I know? I remembered what it was like to have lots of friends, game nights, movie nights and long conversations. I remembered laughter and bike nights and sleeping outside then I remembered there was no one here to remember it with me.Was I really that old - surely not. I had tried to blend in with my college sweatshirt and blue jeans but could they see through my disguise? Did they think  “She’s not one of us” ? But yet deep inside I longed to be one of them.  Now I wait for Decembers when my college buddies come back for christmas vacation. What happens when they hand you that dipolma... have a nice life but know that it will never be the same. I just spent a half an hour on the phone with an old friend she was emotionally worn out, finances, marriage life, and new locations had worn her down and now she wonders if life will get any better. Is that really what happens to us after college? Or do we just we find ourselves standing outside that gym window watching life pass up by wishing we could go back to how it used to be only to find it can never be that way again. Maybe, maybe not. I say be content in the good gifts God has given you now in the present and trust that in his wisdom He will provide for your future. Tonight was a realization that things are changing and that though things are different it’s not necessarily bad. I am happy, I am thankful that I had a good college experience and that I still talk to my friends, I am excited to my see what my future holds and I will rejoice that my God is good no matter what the circumstance.