Words

Overwhelmed, stressed, pulled, stretched, and worn out are words that would enter my mind and body and just stay there festering as if to plant themselves inside me for a long period of time. "Just survive, Dana", "you are a new teacher, all you can do is just take one day at a time and hope for the best." Words, too many words, none of them meaning anything but sadness. I spent the last few months discouraged. Yes, as a new teacher I am just trying to survive and feel like I'm not doing a very good job at it. No matter the lesson plan I felt like, again, words would circulate the air around me - hit the wall - and fall flat on the floor. It was not only in the classroom. I felt disconnected from friends, as if none of my words that formed into stories were clever enough, relate able enough, wise enough. In my prayers, again, my words felt like they hit the ceiling then fell back to the ground. At home, I would want to talk - let the words loose to fly free and land in someone else's ears to return to me with advice or at least have a landing place, other than the floor. But at home, there is no one. It is a place devoid of words and the silence eats me alive sometimes.

"Dana, you are feeling sorry for yourself." "You are too hard on yourself." I know, I know. All, I can say in response to this battle with words is that it is honestly how I feel, or well felt. Do I want to walk around with a rain cloud over my head? No! So, things are going to change. I don't know how, but I'm going to try.

CHILD OF GOD's!!!!! So, through HIM you are all of those things... STRONG, MIGHTY, POWERFUL, ANNOINTED, KIND, BRAVE. These are the words that I want to fill my mind and body with, especially the Brave part. Being strong is one thing I have never considered myself. The word itself gives a connotation of greatness. I want to feel connected again, I don't want silence to slowly degrade me. So, thanks to my friend Jenny, a suggestion to surround myself with little bits of happiness in the hopes of reminding me who I really am, has opened the door to better thoughts. Today's happiness - little Elvine. Elvine is my compassion child. Her picture is posted on my refrigerator and even though I do not know her, I love her. Just seeing her picture makes me smile. Still there is silence, but I'm finding some joy in it.

Here is the simple truth.... Life is hard, but God is good and He brings those bits of happiness to my heart. So, I open my mind, body and heart in preparation to hear words of hope, happiness, and joy.