Life

Living by myself for a couple of years has left me too introspective. I'm not even sure that I should let the digital world know my thoughts, but with no one else around I feel I am left with no choice. I look at this poor recapturing of a picture hanging in my office (compliments of Jason Howell) and I see me. Of course, literately it is me, but I mean the person I am inside too. This picture, I feel, captures the very essence of how I see myself, and believe shows my personality. I love to laugh, I love playing with children in the Bronx, I love goofing off, dancing, and sharing the words of Jesus to others. I am young at heart and I just love people. I feel in the last couple of months I've lost that part of me. I don't feel quite so happy on the inside and find myself crying - a lot. I feel as if I am living vicariously through song lyrics. To echo the words of Adele,I am "chasing pavements". I make the same mistakes, fall for the wrong guys, and let my job consume me. These days, as John Mayer sings, I am "dreaming with a broken heart" and it is not fun. I keep staring at that picture hoping to get that girl back, but it's useless. Though I am broken hearted, watching my dream fly through the window, I am reminded that I am not alone. I have a wealth of family and friends that support me. My parents and siblings are a constant source of encouragement and wisdom. Elizabeth T. is my jiminy cricket, The Fosters, Stones, and Emily Kessler have all poured a large of amount of love my way. I guess I want to take this time out and say I'm sorry for being so consumed with my own troubles that I neglect to hurt with others, to look beyond myself. I am so tired of fighting this fight. I am so tired of being confused and watching my dream go somewhere else. I want to find that girl in the picture again.